


On the Habits of the Paranormal FBI Agent

by TheMadThing



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M, Kinda Cracky, Kinda Humor, Zoofic, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-11
Updated: 2015-06-11
Packaged: 2018-04-03 23:03:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4117966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMadThing/pseuds/TheMadThing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The idea of a zoofic is that the characters are presented as though in a wildlife documentary. So - Mulder and Scully as creatures in a zoo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On the Habits of the Paranormal FBI Agent

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [On the courting behaviour of the British Sherlock](https://archiveofourown.org/works/428236) by [Bold_as_Brass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bold_as_Brass/pseuds/Bold_as_Brass). 



> Inspired by "On the courting behaviour of the British Sherlock" and also my friend's description of an episode I haven't seen where something mistakes them calling for each other as a mating cry.

The tour guide led the group of people to the next enclosure which contained the zoo’s members of the incredibly rare and highly endangered species.  
“And here we have the only pair left in the world of this rare sub-species of FBI Agent, the Paranormal Agent,” the guide told the group, “From here you can see the male of the pair, standing on the hill in the centre of the enclosure. He likes to stand there and let his coat blow in the wind, we don’t really know why. It might be a territorial thing but we’re not sure. Now, down there, just emerging from the burrow is the female.” The female looked around for the male and seemed to sigh slightly at his dramatic pose. She began to retreat back inside but froze as the male called out,  
“Scully!” There was a short silence before the cry was repeated again, a little more urgently, perhaps with a hint of panic. “Scullaaaay!”  
“That’s his mating call,” the tour guide explained. “If we’re lucky the female will respond.” The female seemed to consider, then called back.  
“Mulder!” The male swung around excitedly grinning, if FBI Agents could be said to grin. The other sub-species definitely didn’t but the Paranormals were different. You could even use the word special really. The male bounded down the hill and dragged the female into the burrow by the hand. She followed seemingly reluctant, but having studied their behaviours for over a year the guide could see that she was just putting on a show of reluctance and was almost as excited as the male. The tour group looked to the screens which showed the camera view of the inside of the burrow to see the male produce a flashlight from under his bed.  
“Sneaky bugger,” muttered the guide. The Paranormals were not supposed to have flashlights due to their habit of sneaking round at night and disturbing the other animals. Nobody had ever figured out what they did at night, or why they did it. They weren’t even nocturnal creatures and they were always exhausted the morning after, especially the female. The guide looked back at the screens, and saw that as expected the male Agent was talking quickly and seriously while the female listened, slightly sceptically.   
“They do this quite a lot,” the tour guide said, “We think it’s a mating ritual but they haven’t actually ever mated yet. We think it’s because the female is only half Paranormal Agent, and half something else we can’t quite identify, so the male is having difficulty persuading her. We’re hoping they do it soon though, the tension is making the more sensitive animals tetchy.”  
“Why are they separate from the other FBI Agents?” asked a woman from the group.  
“The others didn’t get on with the male. He was attacked a few times and we moved him for his safety. Unfortunately he got lonely so we put the female in to keep him company, being the closest we have to a Paranormal Agent.” Suddenly the flashlight in the den went out and judging from the startled noises they could hear over the microphones the batteries had died. The cameras switched to infra-red and the group were treated to the female Agent pulling the male into a kiss.  
“This looks good,” the tour guide said,” They’ve done this before but never initiated by the female. Hopefully that means they might mate today.” The guide held her breath as the female pulled away and the male looked concernedly at her until she shook her head and nodded towards the camera. The male made a confused sound and the female sighed. She disappeared underneath the camera and the camera view tilted at an alarming angle moments before the camera stopped working. Seconds later the microphones went as well and the tour guide cursed to herself. That female was far too clever for her liking.


End file.
